Goodbye 2020

Hang in there, this is likely going to be a long post because there is a lot of catching up to do. Please do hang in there, because I am looking for advice.

So, my birthday. Oh my gosh was it fabulous. So yeah, that week Stevei was here and that was fun. 5 kiddos under the age of 8 running around the house. Oh did we all have fun. I'm being serious, not snarky and sarcastic. Those kids get along great and pretty much take care of themselves when they are together. The only reason Stevei and I had to be there was to make sure they ate once in a while and didn't die.

On my birthday I went to dinner with some good friends, because at that time there was still this thing called indoor dining. It's where you go out to a building and sit down, there are menus where they let you choose what you want to eat and then they bring it to you. Yup snarkiness back. Down with Newsom.

So, fabulous dinner with 2 of my girls. Felt very loved on my birthday. My most treasured gift for my birthday... My mom gave me a small jewelry box that used to belong to her, has her name engraved, and it plays the theme from Love Story. The importance of this? My grandma had a jewelry box that played the same tune... I had very recently had it stuck in my head, I had no idea what the tune was. After humming it into my phone without the correct answer I finally asked the kids music teacher Mrs. Dow. She knew!!! I would have given her a hug but it was all over the phone. Anyway, so now I have a special music box. 

Claire's birthday was fun too. She had a whole week of  birthday parties, we went to the park with some friends from school. We had a painting party at the house with some friends where they got a canvas and got to paint their own unicorn. She had a tea party with Charlee. Pancakes and tea with Alice, and of course a family dinner birthday party. 

Thanksgiving... Thanksgiving was good, we spent the day at my parents house. We had steak and shrimp for dinner. I have to say, it was really nice not having to travel. While I do love my people in Southern California, it was really nice to be home. Especially during a time where we are managing through this pandemic. I want to take a moment to explain, I am doing my best to keep life normal for my family, so if my parents still lived in Hesperia, we still would have traveled to see friends, I'm not keeping my children in a bubble. While I do understand COVID is a real thing and it's pretty miserable. (My girl Taryn shared this with me because she just recovered from COVID) I'm not going to be like the Croods (kids movie) and be afraid of EVERYTHING. 

Done with that rant let's move onto Christmas. For my family, Christmas was normal. Christmas Eve mom and dad stayed the night we watched movies, had popcorn and hot chocolate... Oh, we did Christmas Eve service at home and then had cheeseburgers for dinner. It was actually really nice. Christmas morning came so early. I think both of the kids woke up around 6am. It must have been about 7am by the time we started opening presents, coffee was needed before present unwrapping began. After presents we had omeletes for breakfast. I do love that tradition. Also really love the popcorn and hot chocolate watching a movie on Chistmas Eve. Jhoanna and her family came over for dinner, we had steak, sweet potatoes, lumpia, and pancit. I love food. Christmas was great. 

December 28 is Evan's birthday, so I got up early and went out for birthday doughnuts. I also needed to get some groceries because we were heading to Tahoe for the night to celebrate Christmas and Evan's birthday with Steve's family. Mom and dad brought In N Out over for lunch that day. We headed to Tahoe around 2ish. Steve's older sister Sara and her husband Jacob were staying in a condo at NorthStar ski resort. We had a fabulous evening with everyone, I think there were 15 of us. Yup, I told you we weren't the Croods. So, Chicken Pignati, cheese potatoes and corn for dinner. Oh my gosh it was so good. We did a gift exchange and then the kids all got gifts. A chunk of us slept at the condo. The next morning a bunch of the group went skiing/snowboarding. Steve and I had talked to Evan a few days before this and decided Evan and Steve would go skiing for Evan's birthday. They had a good time. 

New Years Eve... Steve's brother Dylan and niece Emily came over and went disc golfing with Steve and Evan. Later Nancy, Savannah, Sara, Jacob and Asher came over. We had dinner and played games. Dylan and Savannah both left early. Around 9pm we went outside and set off our poppers and the kids had silly string. Afterward we went back inside, put on PJs and watched Soul. We got to bed around 11ish, there were a BUNCH of fireworks. I think they finally stopped around 12:30. Good for whoever put the show on.

So, I think at this point we are caught up. Oh, I discovered window painting, I painted our window and the glass panal on my mom and dad's front door. That is one good thing that came out of 2020, my artistic ability. Actually, there are a lot of good things that came out of 2020... I should make a list, but not now. 

So now onto where my head really is... Recently I've been thinking a lot about hurts in the past. Actually, I've just... Wait let me explain where I think this stems from. Just a few days ago a post showed up on Facebook that somebody I knew when I was in highschool has throat cancer and is getting ready to start chemo and radiation. It's not someone I'm still close with anymore, in fact wasn't even friends with on Facebook. So, because of that reconnection it has brought up A LOT of memories. So, back to the hurts... Why, why is it so difficult to let go of some hurts? There are some people I have been hurt by in the past, and I'd like to think I have moved on but those hurts are still there. There is someone I used to be very good friends with, and after some time I discovered she lied to me about something, not just a small something. It still hurts, I'm still angry and want to call her out on it and tell her, "I know you lied." I'm still hurt by being mistreated by people in my life. I'm supposed to forgive, whether or not they ask for forgiveness. But, why is it so hard to move on? Those relationships are damaged. Ah, they are damaged. Those relationsips may or may not still be there, but the relationships that still exist are damaged and now those relationships are different and may or may not be repaired. 

I don't know... There are things in the past that still come back to haunt me. I mean, I think that I've gotten over stuff, but then some memory shows up and I get so angry. This is where I could use advice. How do I let go? I mean, really let go. I do have specific people in mind that I'm angry with, and I can tell you, I'm pretty confident even if I did approach them and tell them I'm hurt, there would be no apology. Besides, these things are in the past so why bother to bring them up? Oh my head is such a jumbled up place.